The movie Contagion is about a virus that sweeps through the human population killing everyone not coated in a thick membrane of hand sanitizer.  Gwyneth Paltrow goes makeup-free during a seizure, Matt Damon flexes and wrings his hands nervously, and Kate Winslet drops ninja-style into the fray armed only with a stethoscope and a thin,… Read More

Today the stain on his tie was mayonnaise. There was always some food dotted across the cheap striped material, his jutting stomach prevented any dropped food from making it to the table.  Today it was tuna. “It’s all free advertising, we’ll do a bunch of things,” he said, pausing to take a bite of his… Read More

The kitten was especially menacing, mewing at me from within the blue painted wooden frame, a single gray paw crossing out of the canvas as if it could leap from it’s confinement and onto my face. Beside it hung a handmade patchwork quilt featuring blond, pointy-hat-wooden-shoe-wearing dutch children holding hands, eyes lifted to a large… Read More

Sharon stood in the dim hallway, trying not to scream into her phone. “You shouldn’t have f***ed with me” Carl’s menacing voice taunted on the other end of the line. “We got that s*** for our wedding, I can sell it if I f***ing feel like it.” It made her teeth grind together hearing him… Read More

When he was fun he was the funnest fun in fun town.  His smile was magnetic and my heart was a metal shoehorn, the pull was not optional.   We loved passionately, the way only the young can physically withstand, and as newlyweds the future held only the bright excitement of happiness because we hadn’t yet… Read More

He was all I knew of love, but not all I’ll ever know. Even now, I still love him. I’m still the teenager staring up at him, his handsome jawline against the night sky a shadow puppet speaking the deepest passions I’d ever heard. I was so young, and he was larger than life, larger… Read More

What are you supposed to say? No one forced you to buy a lifetime subscription to Constant Brutality magazine, what were you thinking? Didn’t you see? Didn’t you know? Didn’t you think? Were you desperate?  Woozy from low blood sugar? Drugged? Mistakenly informed you had only 17 minutes to live? Damaged to a point that… Read More

The Worst Therapist in the World sat across from me carefully enunciating into a brown, push-button land-line telephone with a comically short, curly cord. “Yes, Sharon, I……………OK then is 6:30………………No? Then why don’t we………………” She had to lean from her chair in a sciatic-tingling angle to keep her face three inches from the cheap plastic… Read More

It’s always the same story. It would be nice to see a plot twist that makes the studio audience gasp in fearful delight once in a while, but nope. It’s the same drama performed over and over with different accents and costume changes, like a Cher concert that just won’t end. There’s the verbal slap… Read More

Don’t you think Bruce Banner gets frustrated looking at all the clothes his transformations into The Hulk ruined? Those chinos don’t buy themselves from Old Navy, he’s got to pay for them! Grrrrrr Hulk MAD! But, comforted by the knowledge that when people try and push up on him he can turn into a giant… Read More